It's Like This Review Is in the Top Ten Percent of All Reviews!

I love Pokemon.

There, I said it. Yes, I’m 22, and I love a game marketed towards children. I have nothing to be ashamed of. Everybody likes childish things, but how many people really have the guts to admit what they like? Well, I’m saying it right here, right now: I love Pokemon. I think it’s a great series of games, and they’re kind of cute, or just really nifty looking. But I only play the games. Collecting the cards and watching the anime is for kids in grade school.

Of course, 15 years ago, when Pokemon Blue and Red first hit the shelves, that would have been me, rushing to the TV after school to watch the newest episode. Now, the show is still running, over 600 episodes under its belt. I have to wonder how often you can watch the same thing every episode: main character enters a battle, almost loses, but oh wait, he makes a come back and wins. There’s only so much variation you can have. But if it works, it works.

Still, 15 years is a long time, and unlike what a lot of people thought, Pokemon is not a fad. It’s going to stick around, probably well into the future generation of consoles. New games are already lined up for the 3DS - Pokemon Black and White - with a whole new line up of critters to collect and stuff into red and white balls. Now we can all complain some more about how back in our day there were only 150 (151 if you believed in secrets) and how we knew them all by name and in the order listed in the Pokedex. Ya, we were losers then, and we’re losers now.

The fact is, the Pokemon games are so successful because they all follow the same formula, and it’s a formula that works. Let’s review the plot, shall we? You live in your nobody town which just happens to also be the hometown of a famous professor. On the day you are to get your first Pokemon, this professor decides to give you one of his. Suddenly, a rival appears and takes another of the professor’s Pokemon, careful to pick the element yours is weak to. What an ass. You beat him to a pulp, and then go on your grand adventure to defeat the eight gym leaders and become the Pokemon champion. Oh, and along the way, you’ll stop the plans of Team Whatever-they-are-called-this-time.

Like I said, it’s not a very complex plot. But it works because it is simple, and the game plays to what people want. There’s always something more to strive for, like that achievement which you’re never actually going to get, by you try anyway just so you can boast about it when you do get it. So you beat one gym leader, big woop. Now go do the next one. You beat all the gym leaders? Now fight the elite four. There’s even post game content, with harder enemies and rarer Pokemon to get.

Speaking of unachievable goals, just try getting all 493 Pokemon. Yes, there are 493 now, if you didn’t know that, and some of the legendary ones you can only get if the great lords at Nintendo feel like giving them to you. This involves shelling out money to go see the movies, which are only released in Japan. So congratulations, North Americans - you’re screwed. But if you’re hooked, it won’t stop you from getting all the Pokemon you can get. And then you’ll want to level them all to 100, or try and breed them so they can have the best stats and moves possible. It’s addiction, it doesn’t need an explanation.

There’s so much to do, and you can never really be done with it. That’s the brilliance of Pokemon, it got people addicted in its first year. Instead of revolutionizing the game play, Game Freaks have added functionality to the game. Now there’s touch screen capabilities, so you don’t have to scroll through your list of items. Now there’s an auto run function, so you can get places within a reasonable amount of time. With each new game released, the games play better, even if they play the same. You’re buying an upgrade and a new map if you decide to purchase the next generation of Pokemon, but you are paying for the same game.

And really, that’s sort of a problem. You’ve got to get seriously worked up to buy the expansion pack, which isn’t even compatible with your previous Pokemon games. You can’t trade the new guys backwards, and its hell to get your old guys to move forward, meaning you have to start from the beginning again, at level 5 (because starting you at level 1 would just be boring, I guess). You have to catch the same old guys you’ve been seeing for 4 generations of games now (5 when the new ones are released). And you’ll probably be asking yourself: “Have I ever even used a Zubat or a Geodude? Why am I even bothering with them?” It’s instinct. The Pokemon is there, and you’ve got to catch them all.

You’re always going to be running into the same guys, too. Aside from the proliferation of repeats across the map, the random encounter rate is absurdly high. I’ve gone two steps after a battle, only to enter into another one. Considering how long it takes to start a battle, it adds up to a lot of wasted time. The game provides you with Repels, which prevent wild encounters for X amount of steps, depending on how much money you spend. It’s nice to have around, but I shouldn’t need to buy them if I want to play the game.

The item system in general I find wonky. There are so many useless items you’re never going to need, like all the stat bolstering items for battles. I have moves on my guys which do twice the effect of the items I’d be using, and either one wastes my turn, so why would I pay money? The hold items have laughable functions, like the one which slows your guy down, but can be thrown once per battle for some damage. Why would I not just hold something more valuable, like I don’t know, say, the one which auto heals my Pokemon every turn. It’s not all that difficult to get repeats of a lot of items, you just have to be willing to spend the time to get them, like transferring over from old games and… oh wait.

The fact that you can’t easily buy hold items pisses me off. They have some of the most functionality in the game, and you can’t get them without finding them scattered around the world. Who leaves these things lying around, anyway? Probably the same people who think it’s okay to attack you because you walked in front of them. So I guess that’s everybody in this world.

That you only get four moves is limiting, but acceptable. What isn’t acceptable is the uselessness of some moves, and the complete imbalance of others. Maybe if you got the better moves only at higher levels, that would be fine. But no, some guys have scratch at level one, and others have tackle. Tackle misses, unlike scratch, and has the added bonus of doing less damage then scratch. Plus, with the Technical Machines system, I could teach my level 5 Squirtle Surf, and it will never need to use another move. Ever. This is why level requirements for moves are a good idea - it provides a bit of balancing.

Like the music. The music is very balanced, in the sense that the loops are all under a minute long, largely ignorable, and unvaried where it needs to be. Considering the amount of time spent in the battle screen, it would be preferably to have more variety there than having a different, largely forgettable theme for each type of opponent fought throughout the game. I can spend five minutes on one battle, but I’ll go through the laughable dialogue in five seconds. Though to be fair, the fourth generation games - Diamond, Pearl, and Platinum - featured excellent specialty themes for some of the more major fights, especially the climactic battle with the leader of Team Galactic.

When you spend a long time trying to get through a game, you want it to deliver a difficult but rewarding conclusion. Pokemon accomplishes this only if you haven’t spent time trying to vary your team. The steadily increasing levels of your opponents jumps dramatically for the Elite Four, enough that you can easily be ten levels lower, and therefore screwed. It’s kind of a flaw, really. The game gives you so many options, but if you want to beat it without spending hours leveling up, you can only use 6 Pokemon in one play through. 6 out of 493. Assuming you even found half that, it’s still incredibly limiting.

At the same time, with so much variety, the games have tremendous replay value. You can play through the whole game with only one element type on your team, or even with just one Pokemon. You can try using the worst ones you can find, or have no moves with power over 40. There are so many options, so many different ways to play, that it never gets tiring. The walks through the rather plain backgrounds are annoying, but largely inconsequential to how the game runs.

When it comes down to it, if you’re playing Pokemon, you’re playing for one of three reasons.

1) You like seeing small fuzzy animals beat the crap out of each other. You sadistic bastard.

2) You enjoy the challenges that you can create for yourself. Maybe you hate yourself, too.

3) You’re addicted. At least it’s cheaper than crack, overall. Just not by much if you buy every spinoff, too.